Because I don't ever want to forget....

Wow, I should really keep up on this blog more!!!! Because I know that all of my 7 followers are clinging to my every word, HA!

ANYWAY, the reason for this post is my little miss Halle. She turned 10 months last week and has been absolutely adorable. Matt and I have had so much fun with her!!!! Her personality is really starting to develop.
She wants to be best friends with stupid puss Mya. It's adorable. She finds it HILARIOUS if the cat is behind us in the hallway before we walk down the stairs. She squeals and giggles and clings to my neck like the cat is going to pounce at any given moment. This might be one of those "you had to be there" moments, but it really is too darn cute and makes us laugh a lot.
On nights when Matt works late (such as last night) Halle and I hang out and play and play and play. To much fun. When Matt gets home all I have to say is "Halle, Daddy's here!" and she crawls as fast as she can to the kitchen to get him. Again, adorable!
Also? She thinks it's funny to do what she isn't supposed to do. Example - climbing the few stairs in our living room. We tell her no so she slowly starts the climb and when we go to get her off she giggles so hard!

While most of this stuff is probably only funny or cute to us, I wanted to write it down somewhere. I don't ever want to forget this stage in her life.

And if we are being completely honest here....baby fever hit me yesterday while I was at work and catching up on all of the blogs that I follow. I need to snap out of that because baby #2 isn't in our plans yet! We'll see how many people read this and ask me about that ;)

A Child of God

I thought I would re post this because it is so true. I follow the Momastry blog and this is were I found the statement below.

If I am humble but lack confidence, it is because I haven’t accepted that there is a divine spark inside of me. If I am humble but not confident, it’s because I don’t believe in the miracle that I was made by God for a purpose all my own, and so I am worthy of the space that I occupy on this Earth. And that as a Child of God, no one deserves more respect, joy, or peace than I. As a child of God, I have the right to speak, to feel, to think, and to believe what I believe. Those dreams in my heart, those ideas in my head, they are real and they have a divine origin and so they are worth exploring. Just because I am a child of God. And thankfully, there is nothing I can add to that title to make it more impressive. There is also nothing I can do to lose that title. I am confident not because I am pretty or smart or athletic or talented or kind. Those things change and can be given and taken. I am confident simply because I am a child of God.

Something that really stuck out at me is : As a child of God, I have the right to speak, to feel, to think, and to believe what I believe.

I have realized that I need to stop apologizing for things that aren't my fault. I can't continue to apologize for other people's lack of respect, and mean things that others say. I have a right to speak my mind too, and I am done hiding behind my fear of confrontation. If others can speak their mind about me and blatantly disrespect me to my face, then I have a right to stand up and say "hey! this isn't right! and I won't stand for it" I have a right to believe that I am a good person with a heart that is in the right place.

"The light at the end is worth the pain" - Boyce Avenue

Today, I feel like I have been beaten to death with drama. I don't even know where to begin with it, and probably shouldn't air it all out. Basically what it boils down to is that a few people think that I am a mean, snotty person that dileberately hurts people. I am being expected to let past things go and just move on with forgiveness....but I feel like I am really going to struggle. How can I keep saying sorry for things that I don't feel like are my fault or shouldn't have to apologize for? These people don't thing they have done anything wrong and I sincerely disagree.

Last night at bible study we briefly talked about how God brings people into your life for a specific purpose. I am having a REALLY hard time seeing the reason for certian people being placed into my life. I am wondering, was I put into THEIR life for a reason? This must be the case, but I don't think it's fair that i'm suffering from hurt because of things that they do. How do I put these issues in the hands of God and let him take over? To say that my anxiety is through the roof from this is an understatement.

I'm struggling here, and looking for the right answers on what to do...

James

Just some food for thought here....

James 4:1-3
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

How true this seems to be......

Things that need to be said...

While I should be working, I decided to do a quick blog before getting started for the day. (side note here....Panera Bread has the BEST breakfast sandwiches. I'm currently eating a ham, egg, & cheese on a jalapeno & cheddar bagle. YUM! Also drinking a mt. dew with it. Completely unhealthy, and I don't even care!) This post will probably be a lot of randoms...

I rejoined facebook, just made some necessary changes, as in blocking a few someone's. I am so unbelieveably tired of drama in my life. I can't emphasize that enough. I decided to take yesterday off work and went shopping with my sister in Williamsburg. It was FANTASTIC! Not only to spend the day with my sister, but it wasn't busy at all! We were lazy and drove from store to store, but when there are parking spaces right up front, who wouldn't? I got a ton of summer stuff for Miss H! I bought myself an $8 sweatshirt from the Gap. Woo! Funny, I would rather spend every last dime on her than get stuff that I need. (Ahem, pants to wear to work!) Oh well! At least she will be cute!

When we got back to town I picked up Halle from the sitter and went to Julie's hair appt with her. Got to see my lover, Nicole :) I had bible study last night, and I must say that I am so glad that I get to share a table with Sabrina! I was a little confused at times :) Our bible study is on the book of James and I read a few things that really hit home for me this week! I'll quote some below.

When I got home, Matt was sleeping in his recliner with Halle asleep on his chest. SO sweet! She doesn't like to snuggle like that anymore, so it was nice to see that she wanted to snuggle her daddy <3

I don't understand how hard it is for some people to be kind? I'm not saying be best friends with everyone, but a simple "please, thank you, and have a nice day" really go a long way.

It's now 9:08 am, I've been at work since 7:30. All I have accomplished is eating Panera, a phone call with my sister, and this blog. Maybe I should make some actual work related calls?

Have a good day, all!

CRIB

We have been working on a crib transition with little miss h.....
She goes to sleep in it just fine..I lay her down when she is sleepy and she is asleep within minutes with no fussing. BUT she wakes up around 2 and wants out. She doesn't want fed, but if I bring her back to our room and put her in her little bed in there, she goes back to sleep (pretty) quickly. I am hoping that in time she will go back to sleeping through the night like she did before. In the meantime, i'm a tired mama!
I am open to suggestions on how to handle this situation. I hate the thought of letting her cry it out, but I am afraid if I keep getting her she will get used to that.....

*sigh*

Not being hard on myself at all...just would like to get this sleeping thing down again. Love that little girl <3

I'm back!!!!

Wow, I haven't posted in too long!!! Mostly because my computer at home is JUNK and takes literally an hour to post a blog because it is so slow. I need a new one. Yes, need! Not high on my priority list these days though :)
I'm now back to work after having 12 weeks off. Man, that 4:45 alarm is rough! Especially when Halle wakes up to eat at 4...which leaves about 20 min before my alarm. I am missing her terribly while I am at work :( While it is nice to eat my lunch uninterrupted and have adult conversations all day, I still miss the dickins out of her! I swear this morning she looked at me when I put her in her carseat as if to say "Mom, what the heck are we doing, please stay home with me!" OK, probably not. But she looked sad to have to leave me. OK she probably wasn't sad, but I sure was! I've been calling once a day to check on her. The sitter says she is a happy girl when she isn't napping :) She smiles at all the kids and is eating like a champ! I love that she is is good hands, but I feel like someone else is raising my daughter. I need to stop thinking this way, but it's hard not to when she spends SO MUCH time away from  me. I found myself thinking of what I could sell to be able to afford to stay at home. I had to snap out of that, I was thinking like a crazy person!
A girl on my rideshare van (who had her second baby in October) said that she had to start telling herself that when she is at work that is "mommy time". She said that has helped. I just need to learn to change my way of thinking. *sigh* It will get easier with time :)