So What Wednesday! Er, Thursday...

SO what if I'm counting down the days until I can pee on a stick. TMI? Sorry! But for the record...the magical day is Tuesday. #letthisbeit #imtiredinmorewaysthanone So what If I missed my sister while she was gone. Probably more than I care to admit :) SO what if I upped the text messaging on my cell phone because I always hit my limit a week before my bill cycle starts over. What am I, 16 again??? No idea how I am texting so much. So what if I put some dirty dishes next to the sink last night..and when Matt yells from the kitchen "why didn't you put your dishes in the dishwasher!?!?!" My reply was "because I'm a lazy ass hole" So what if I bought the same pair of pants in 3 different colors. The price was right... So what If I sort of want some color on the ends of my hair and join the ombre club. I've only spent the last 2.5 years growing it out so all the color is out of it. Probably not going to happen. I'd rather buy my spoiled kid a new pair of shoes (or 3) than pay to get my hair colored. Hey, at least I'm honest!

Baby, maybe?

Just kidding, I'm not. What I AM though is 4 days late with no sign of flo. Annnd I am for sure NOT pregnant. (Please spare the "tests aren't always right" because I've wasted pee on 4 sticks - 2 different brands) *LE SIGH* Thank you, body, for being totally and completely jacked up. All in God's timing! Although at this point I am seriously wondering what this perfect timing will entail? For once Matt and I really thought we had our shtuff together so anytime this child wants to come we are a bit prepared. $4k in my HSA account for a child to shoot out of me? Check! The list goes on, but that's neither here nor there. Whenever you are ready, God, so are we!

Straight to my heart

I found this today and it totally spoke to me. I can't make a link work but it's from www.atleastitsnotasingle.blogspot.com

Broken promises and candybars

I commit to the same thing every month. And if my math is correct, I’ve made that same promise 12 times in a row.

And yet I fail every time.

You see, on about day 27 or 28 of every month, I wake up early in the morning and drive to the Dollar General. Usually I’m still in my pajamas, but today I wore jean shorts and actually put on a bra. The odds of us taking pictures and a video were high because I was convinced this month would be different.

I left the door open to the bathroom as I completed my routine pee, excitedly chatting with Jake who was on the couch. But within a few seconds, I knew this would not be the month. Sounds of crinkling plastic caught Jake’s attention and he asked whatelse I bought at the store.

“Well, they’re mini Snickers bars. They’re celebratory or condolences. And I guess today they’re condolences.”

And then came memorized-promise No. 13: “I refuse to do this to myself in July. I will not subject myself to this disappointment. I will not take a pregnancy test unless I have missed my period by more than a week.”

I’m amazed at the human heart — the ability to be so incredibly discouraged one day and 100 percent hopeful a few weeks later. It’s quite the vicious cycle, actually. The promise to avoid the test is usually made during full-fledged vulnerability — pants down on the toilet, negative test in hand with tears on my cheeks. But somehow, against all odds, I find myself in that same (hopeful) position every month.

My promise today feels firm — I can’t handle this emotional setback next month. (But if we’re going to be realistic, I know over the course of the next 30 days, my spirit will revive itself and my mind will do a little convincing. “This is it! This is your month.”)

“Just don’t think about it. If you don’t think about it, it will work,” they say. Why don’t you give it a try: Don’t picture a pink elephant. Avoid it at all costs. Ignore the fact that the women in your family have pink elephants, that your friends have them, that social media news feeds flood your thoughts with ultrasounds and videos of pink elephants, and that you're Primary president over 120 of them. Oh, and avoid talking about it, too, even though your husband is a doctor for pink elephants.

Now stop focusing on it ... and you’ll get one of your own!

Right.

Unless you’ve struggled with infertility, it's hard to relate. How can you not think about it? And why does "not thinking about" mean you'll get one? (Hate to break it to you — thinking about it doesn't affect the rate sperm swim or eggs drop, nor the timing they connect.) 

Sure, I apply the Atonement. I have a solid understanding of trials and faith. I’m not ignoring the fact that Doc. P and I have had sacred spiritual experiences and answers from Heavenly Father. I hold those moments very dear and we both know children will eventually come."

Every.last.word.

Now I wouldn't say that we struggle per se with infertility, what I would say is that it takes careful planning and a lot of praying to get a bun in my oven. It's only been since the end of September that we have been trying for #2. Good heavens that isn't long at all. I know it isn't. While I'm not here to have a pity party for myself, the hurt is real every month my test is negative. Halle took 10 long months and it was agonizing. I'm not about to try and question God's plan because it is much bigger than mine. I think I was hopeful that journey #2 would be easier but it's not looking like it is. SO here we go. 

Dear Halle on your (almost) second birthday!

Dear Halle,

It is ALMOST your second birthday! We can't believe it. I feel like we were just bringing you home from the hospital, literally. In fact, maybe that's why you woke up a million times last night? You wanted to remind us what it was like to wake up with you all.night.long. No worries, we still love you!

Here is what I know about you:

-You love Mickey and Minnie. You lost your mind when we took you to Disney on Ice last week. Seeing Mickey skate out in front of you was so exciting for you!

-Aunt Julie is still your BFF. I don't see this changing anytime soon.
-You demand milk and cheese as soon as we walk in the door from daycare. (maaalllk!!!! cheeeeeeeese!)
-You won't sleep without your baby doll, Greta.
-Building with blocks will keep you busy for at least an hour.
-You wear a size 2t (with the waist ALL the way cinched in) and size 5 diapers
-Whenever you see stupid puss you instantly say "no no, kitty!"
-Dogs scare the daylights out of you
-Whenever daddy farts you always say "POOP?!" as if it is question on whether or not daddy did in fact crap himself. (No worries, I sometimes wonder the same thing when he does it
-You hardly eat anything. Ever. But you are still growing so I guess you are doing ok
-When mommy lays her head on your lap at night while you are drinking your milk and watching toons, you always run your fingers through my hair. I love every second of it.

Your daddy and I are crazy about you! Hopefully by your third birthday you will have a baby brother or sister ;)

Love,
Mama

30 days of thankful.

I thought I'd just do a blog post with everything I am thankful for this week.

1. I am beyond thankful for my growing relationship with God. I am thankful for an amazing church that has truly changed my life!

2. I am thankful for being a parent. I am so glad that God chose ME to be Halle's mom. She is the best thing that I have ever done in my life. No one can make me laugh or cry quite like she can. Being a parent is the hardest, and best job I'll ever have. I am so thankful everyday for her.

3. Matt. He drives me crazy, and I really want to cut his giant beard off of his face - but he works his butt off for his family. I don't know many people who work 50+ hours a week and don't even complain.

4. Safety. This morning was a rough ride into work. I don't usually mind driving  - but I saw 3 accidents this morning. I am so thankful that I was not one of them.

I love this little face.

dear halle

Dear Halle -

I can't wrap my head around the fact that you will be two soon! You are quite the character these days and I love it! Let's talk about what is going on with you lately....

You hate your halloween costume. It is a simple lady bug, and you are terrified of it. Thank goodness your cousin Hannah is crafty, she is going to make you a tu-tu. I am dressing you in halloween colors and calling it a day.

You still LOVE watching Toy Story. If I turn on the tv and don't put on Woody you will bring me the remote and yell "WOOOEEEY!" (Woody).

Your Aunt Julie is still your best friend. I don't forsee this ever changing. You start yelling "JU!" the minute we turn down her street. We are still working on getting you to say "Roq" for aunt Roquel, but you haven't spit that out yet :)

Whenever we ask you a question the default answer is a very enthusiastic "no!" Which usually means yes. When you say no and really mean it, we know!

You have really turned up the notch with the tantrum throwing lately. We still love you, don't worry.

Talk of a baby brother/sister is on the horizon, so please don't hate us when another little person graces us with his/her presence.

We love you, Halle!

Dear Halle

Dear Halle,

You are quickly approaching 19 months!!! And my how your attitude is changing :) You are quite the sassy pants! Most of the time it is funny. Most of the time.
This morning you got so mad at me because I was putting your hair in a pony tail. But, it was 6:15 and daddy had just got you woke up for the day, so I don't blame you. The pouty lip is priceless.

I just discovered that you don't like honey nut cheerios. I've only been trying to feed them to you for breakfast for about a month. Whoops!

We took you to the campground this weekend to hang out with Grandpa Bruce and you loved it. He gave you some random things from the camper to play with. Your favorite? A bungee cord. You wouldn't put it down! You carried it around your shoulder all afternoon. Grandpa insisted that you take it home with you, so you held onto it in your carseat the whole way home.

You also love to carry mama's wallet. You are quite the diva carrying around a Coach wallet while we shop at Hy-Vee.

I should also note here that you HATE wearing sandals. Particularly jelly sandals. Not sure what they ever did to you, but you strongly dislike them. When I try to put them on your feet you start crying and yelling "nooooo!!!!". No worries, I gave them away to your friend Bristol. I know she will appreciate them more than you did :)

I finally got you to keep your sunglasses on for more than 2.3 seconds.

We love you, little girl!

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Linkup with Holly!

So the details:  June 13th. Alumni weekend in good ole Newton, IA!

Location-- Our old church and then reception at the Ikes. Complete with various animal heads on the wall :)

Bridal Party-- My sister, sister in law, and niece. Matt had his brother, friend, and my nephew. It was perfect!

Colors-- Black and hot pink. 

First Dance-- Alan Jackson - Like Red on a Rose

Honeymoon--What honeymoon? We were so broke! what has changed? I was in school full time and waiting tables. We could barely afford our 500 sq. foot apt :)

What Would I Change?-- The fact that I didn't junk punch my mother in law for showing up with her own photographer and COMPLETELY insulting my photographer in the process.
Just kidding, I wouldn't junk punch. or would I????
I would have made it much more low key and stood my ground on how many guests I wanted to invite. (which would have been way less than we actually had) Oh well, it was a great day!

So What!

HI FRIENDS!!!!  Today I'm saying So What!

So what if I just discovered the awesomeness of mangos (mangoes?). I bought a bag of frozen ones at Hy-Vee and they are delish!

So what if I was slightly annoyed that they don't thaw out in 30 minutes like the package says? Oh well, still good.

So what if I think my daughter is funnier than anyone I know. Baby girl can make me belly laugh like no one else. or maybe we just have the same sense of humor.....

So what if I paid and extra $3.99 to have my hair dryer delivered to my house by tomorrow (order placed this morning) when I was already getting free 2 day shipping. Side note, a free trial of Amazon Prime for 30 days is AWESOME!

So what if I am anxious about a job I interviewed for yesterday? It isn't looking promising that I will be able to work from 8-4:30. Darn it.

So what If I care more about where Halle spends her day than where I spend mine? Meaning our daycare is more important to me than working in a different department. #mamaproblems.

So what if I want to do a whole post about "a day in the life of a claims adjuster" but won't because I fear it will be exposed to all the wrong people :)

So what if I struggle with just being content?

So what if I spend entirely too much money on coffee? I should really quit that habit!

Dear Halle

I can't believe you are now 18 months old! It seems like I should still be rocking you to sleep and praying to the sleep gods that you would sleep for more than an hour :)
You are such a sweet girl! You have started giving us the cheesiest grin and it is so darn adorable.
You still prefer your daddy 10 to 1 over me. No worries, I still love you!
Last night you were being so darn naughty and when I got mad at you, you stuck your pouty lip out and raised your arms up so I would pick you up. When I did, you laid your head on my shoulder as if it was your way of telling me that you were sorry. Too cute.
We take you on a ride in your wagon just about every night and you love every minute of it!
You still don't eat very well, it's usually hit or miss. You adore raspberries and cheese.
You are so shy when we are out in public and have mastered the stink eye (still not as good as your friend Luke Smead...he takes the cake for the best stink eye!) Your favorite people outside of mom and dad are Lacie and Aunt Julie.
Aunt Juile says that you are cursed to have your mothers stumpy feet, so I'm really sorry about that! You are still a peanut wearing 12 month shorts :)

We love you!

SSMT #11!

Week 11!!! Not sure if I blogged what my week 10 verse was so i'll leave that here too:

Week 10:

"If I have everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed by body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing." 1 Cor. 13:3 NLT

Week 11:

"God blesses those who patiently endure testing & temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him" James 1:12 NLT.

"The Best Move You Can Make In Your Marriage"

Original source http://time-warp-wife.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-best-move-you-can-make-in-your.html

He wasn't about to budge. That much was evident.

I could see it in his eyes. Could tell by his body language. My husband was in his Brick-Wall-Mode and he wasn't moving.

All I'd done was ask him to change - only change this one thing that bothered me greatly - and yet he was rather closed to the idea. Completely closed, in fact. I'm not even sure if he was listening.

What to do now?

That's what I was left wondering. Because I sure wanted him to do it differently.

I figured I had options. I might resort to crying, yelling, whining, pouting or maybe some serious nagging---although I'd have to admit I've never had much success with any of those approaches. Nor could I find any support for it in the Bible. No, I would have to come up with a better plan.

So with a big, heavy sigh, I began praying.

Not a stiff, formal prayer, but a pour-your-heart-out and a Lord-You-made-this-man-so-now-what? kind of prayer. I bet you know the kind I'm talking about.

And then I waited. Prayed some more. Waited and waited and waited.

Still nothing.

Then I did what came naturally - I gave up. And our life continued on as usual.

Until one day while I was chopping vegetables in the kitchen, he walked by me and dropped a simple remark. It went something like this, "You know that thing that was bugging you? Well, I've decided I'm not going to do it anymore." And that was that.

Can you believe it?? That beloved Brick Wall of Mine had moved after all.

I didn't say anything, but continued dicing the onions. With tears streaming down my cheeks. Silly onions - what they'll do to a woman.

God had changed what I could not.

He had heard my prayers and He'd been working all along. I just couldn't see it.

And that might be where you're at right now. In that waiting and praying and waiting place.  Maybe it's something really big, or maybe only a tiny matter. But either way, it's a blessing and a comfort to bring it all before The Lord and know that He's listening. He is always listening.

The Power of Prayer in Our Marriage

Sometimes God has the most marvelous ways of answering our prayers. I've witnessed some lovely miracles. Seen Him reverse many seemingly impossible situations.  He’s our loving Redeemer who cares for us. 

Sometimes He holds off His answer for a long time. Longer than we'd like. But don't give up (like I did - oh, me of little faith). Keep bringing your cares and concerns before The Lord.

Sometimes the work God wants to do is in US - and not the other person. More than once, it's turned out that I was the one who needed to change - much to my great surprise - when I was so certain that he was the one with the problem. So be willing, even desiring, for Him to do His work in you too. 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Phil.4:6-7).

So the best move you can make in your marriage?

Pray.

Pray for him. Pray for you. Ask God to do His mighty work in your marriage. Thank Him for what He's already doing - where you can see it and even where you can't just yet.

Because if He can move mountains? Then he can move brick walls.

I know. I've watched Him move mine.

Even watched Him move me. 

Thank you, Lord.

He is doing a good work in us.

 

======================================================================

 

I found this article today, and man did it really hit home. Just what I needed to read today.

Matt and I are at completely different places in our walk with Christ. I could say that I am making strides, while he is still standing on the sidelines. And that's ok, I guess. I can't force anything, nor do I want to. Let's all say a pray for my husband to at least take a step off the sidelines and be open to taking this journey with me....

So What! If It's Thursday!

So What if I missed SWW yesterday?

So what if I am taking tomorrow off work? I had more vacation built up than I thought I did. Love it when that happens.

So what if my back-up person was annoyed that I am taking said day off?  Ain't nobody got time for that attitude!

So what if everyone at work this morning had their panties in a wad. All I could hear for the first 30 minutes was "THERE WAS 4 INCH HAIL IN TEXAS!!! ERRR MAAA GAWWWDDD!!!!!!!"
Side note:::: hail storms usually mean overtime for my department...so everyone gets a little touchy around storm season here.....

So what if our garage door broke (for the 103895th time) last night and I yelled at Matt for making such a ruckus while fixing it. I mean, it was 1015 PM and all I could hear was the gawd-awful noise of the darn door. Old woman needs her sleep!

So what if our neighbor said to Matt this morning "saw your lights were on later than usual last night!" They like to keep tabs on the neighborhood, and we are on their good side so I don't mind if they want to check things out.

So what if this neighbor also called us last week to tell us that one of the neighbor kids kept peeking in our windows. Reason #457 that a 7 foot privacy fence is going up.

So what if I gave up my beloved good shampoo? and when Nicole reads this I would just ask that she just please have some grace on me :) Mama needed to save a few pennies!

So what if I'm having a hard time with forgiveness lately? It's really hard when someone continually puts you down everytime you let them in.

Siesta Scripture Memory Team *VERSE 10!*

I can't believe we are in week 10 already!!!! I am so glad I decided to do this.

My week 10 verse:

"If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing" 1Corinthians 13:3 NLT

Happy Wednesday, friends!

Please have some grace on me if there are 100 typos in this....I'm on the ole iPad again and she likes to auto correct me :)

This weekend was absolutely perfect, best Mother's Day! Matt and Halle got me a gift certificate for a massage. My first one ever! I plan on using it ASAP. We got to spend time together, time with family, church, and I got a 3 hour nap. Thank you, Halle, for taking a long Sunday nap.

Lately I couldn't really give a crap less about other people's drama. As usual, I don't want to get into specifics in here...but some people are absolutely Ridiculous when it comes to the drama.
I feel like when people set unrealistic expectations of what you should or shouldn't do, it's always a no win situation. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness at the start of everyday. Choose happiness! Life is too short to fight with people.
If you are continually mad at the world, people will distance themselves from you...and someday you will look around and no one will be left. Unfortunate but true.
I have recently just had to take a step back and set boundaries with someone, and to be honest I am a lot happier. I can't continually let someone in me life that brings me down and causes me unhappiness . Again, I choose happiness.

I guess there wasn't much of a point to this post...just some lunch time thoughts while I people watch at Starbucks :)

Dear Halle

Dear Halle,

17 months old, already! I say this a lot, but I don't ever want to forget this time with you! You are the funniest person I know. Seriously. Some of the stuff you do makes me laugh so hard!
You are starting to be so naughty and daddy And I don't know what to do with you :) you think it's hilarious to grab things you shouldn't have and sprint in the other direction. All with a big giggly laugh. It's hard to punish you.
You have started to allow me to put your hair in a piggy tail and its adorable. I even snuck in a bow with it and you didn't even fuss. This makes mama happy.
You still refuse to eat on occasion....but hey it's a woman's prerogative :)
Sometimes you cry when I pick you up from lacies house. This warms my heart.
You also love your aunt Julie to pieces. We pull in her driveway And you say "ju!" So cute! Although truth be told, you are daddy's girl ALWAYS! You love to just sit on his lap when he gets home from work. He is by far your favorite person in the world. When we decide to give you a sibling please don't be mad, mama needs to have someone to cuddle too :) no worries, it will be quite a while before that happens.  We are still enjoying our time with just you.


Love,
Mommy

SWW

I don't have the cool logo for this edition of SWW.....

So what if I'm sitting at Starbucks tapping out this edition of SWW on the ole iPad? I forget how relaxing it is to sit here over lunch and people watch. (I sound like my grandma b:))

So what if I am on the edge of just up and quitting my job? I can't, but I'd like to.
Although, I feel like good things are coming for me. "When God closes a door, continue to worship Him in the hallway." While one career door just didn't work out how I'd hoped, I think good things are on the horizon.

So what if I just laughed out loud at what started playing in my headphones? iTunes on shuffle is quite entertaining! "Welcome to Atlanta where players play and parties don't stop til 8 in the morning," old school rap from when I used to be cool :)

So what if I made dinner and threw it in the trash? It was gross.

So what if I just now am starting to figure out what's really important to me? I'm not going to elaborate...that could be a new post all on its own.

So what if I've considered taking Halle to the doc for what seems to be a head cold? It's been 3 weeks . How much snot can one kid produce?! For the record, we aren't going to see dr j, but my crazy pants considered it.

So what if I am beyond excited for our fence?! You know you are a grown up when....

Dear Halle

Life with you lately has been so much fun! I don't ever want to forget this time with you. A few nights ago you said "MOM" with as much clarity as I've ever heard you use! Granted, you were ticked that I was taking too long getting you some milk, but i'll take what I can get.
You think stupid puss Mya is so funny. You want nothing more than to lay on her and stroke her fur. Obviously this only lasts less than a minute as she isn't very patient with you. Don't take that personally.
You think you are SO funny! Clearly that comes from your mama. The other day you were digging in the drawer you know you aren't supposed to be in. You pulled out a pad of paper and when I came after you, you ran in the other direction giggling the whole way. I couldn't help but laugh.
Your favorite "game" is to have daddy or I chase you in the hallway. We have done this so much that now you just think it's funny when I am carrying you upstairs and daddy is just walking behind us.
You LOVE your wagon! We have been on a few walks in it and you can't take the grin off your face the whole time.
When I take you to daycare in the morning you jump out of my arms to Lacie. You have also been known to throw a fit when I pick you up because you don't want to leave. This warms my heart that you love where you spend your days :)

Love,

Mom

SWW

So what if I have an interview in less than 2 hours and am literally about to crap my pants due to this anxiety.

So what if I woke up feeling funny and have a borderline migraine. Must be the weather my sister said because she feels the same. I'm going to add to the list of things you shouldn't do with a migrane: #1 on my list is giving an interview. I'm guessing that #1 on my sister's list is trying to prepare Easter dinner.

So what if i'm debating about adding the insurance back to my cell phone plan because I dropped my phone last night and completely messed up the screen. This may be insurance fraud. This is what I get for trying to save myself $5.95 a month on my cell phone bill and dropping the insurance a few months ago.

So what if this is all i've got today. My mind is full of interview questions and thinking about how i'll answer them.......